Trauma III
Nova Scotia is a lovely, peaceful province, hanging off the eastern edge of Canada. Getting there is a deliberate and often challenging intention. It’s known for water views, lots of them, as well as whale watching, hiking, and picturesque cottages. While getting there is difficult, staying there is seductive and the stuff of dreams for hardier folks. With slightly under one million residents, it is small both in area and population, like a very large village made of many smaller ones. Its residents, including the indigenous...
read morePandemic
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” FDR These wise words from another time of International upheaval, threat, and loss, can still serve as a touchstone as we navigate a range of events unprecedented in our lifetime. Up to this writing, 20,911 people worldwide have died from Covid-19, of 463,342 reported cases. The number of actual cases is no doubt much higher, even as the death toll mounts by the hour. There is universal agreement among public health experts that “Sheltering in Place” is the...
read moreChange
“Change is the only constant in Life.” Heraclitus I used to say that I had to be dragged kicking and screaming into my future. I was no fan of change. That was a fear-driven way of being in the world. It was also a symptom of a victim consciousness. I now see myself as the co-creator of my future, together with the higher powers that work with and for me to bring good things into my life. I have emphatically re-ordered my relationship with change. Having found and practiced another way of looking at the unfolding events in...
read moreSorrow III
“There’s a hole in the world tonight There’s a cloud of fear and sorrow There’s a hole in the world tonight Don’t let there be a hole in the world tomorrow” The Eagles There’s only one appropriate topic this week for a site that focuses on healing Trauma. Yet, as I say that I know that for the families and communities victimized by the latest mass shootings in America, healing will be a long time in coming, if it comes at all. Indeed, America itself is grievously wounded and torn apart...
read morePerfectionism
Judging ourselves and finding that we come up short is endemic in our high-powered, fast-paced world. We say things to ourselves that we’d never consider saying to a loved one. “Well, I blew that.” “What a jerk I am.” “I am hopeless.” Harsh self-talk is an insidious and destructive side effect of perfectionism. What if you didn’t have to be perfect? I know. It doesn’t feel like a choice. Compulsions never do. Like a hamster on a wheel, you don’t...
read moreGrief III
I woke up knowing that my new puppy’s name would be Gabriel. My husband was well into the process of finding me an animal that he could train as a Service dog to help me with walking, stability, and balance. We chose an Airedale terrier from a line of Performance Airedales. These were dogs that wanted, above all else, to have a job to do. The 10 week old puppy came home to us during one of New England’s very cold winters. I was literally bowled over by the enthusiasm of his first sight of me. Gabriel’s first Christmas was a...
read moreSorrow II
I have felt compelled to write about politically charged events a few times on this Trauma website. Under the headings of Sorrow, Loss, and Tragedy, I have written about the Sandy Hook massacre, the Gabby Giffords shooting, and the Boston Marathon bombings respectively. As we navigate the aftermath of yet another mass shooting in America, I’m using the heading Sorrow II. This groups together two of the events involving the death of children at their school. It sets the stage for what I hope will be encouraging...
read moreGrief II
Last year my life changed forever. I’ve joined that club no one wants to be in – one of my children died. My 36 year old son, Joseph, died of a brain aneurysm. In the first blog on Grief, I noted some skillful ways to help someone who is grieving. The depth of the pain when grieving the loss of a child, including an adult child, requires a degree of compassion and sensitivity that challenges even the most caring among us. Our communication tools can suddenly seem woefully inadequate. I can try to help by relating what people...
read moreDisability
Disability can be visited upon you suddenly and shockingly, as in the case of victims who survive a shooting or bombing, or accident victims of all types. Those who serve in the military continually put themselves at risk for disability and, sadly, with modern weaponry, it is all too common for them to have to face enormous physical changes and challenges. Disability can also creep up on you, in expected and unexpected ways. In my own case, diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at age 32, I could perhaps have expected eventual disability. With...
read moreTransitions
From the moment the decision was made to sell our home and move across the country, to this moment as I sit in my new home to write, there was a span of nearly a year. What was accomplished in that year, essentially creating a whole new life, required considerable effort but no struggle. Struggle is a heavy thing, quite distinct from meeting goals and accomplishing tasks that tire us out. That’s effort. I already knew the difference between the two but to have experienced it “in living color” has been quite miraculous,...
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