Sorrow III
“There’s a hole in the world tonight There’s a cloud of fear and sorrow There’s a hole in the world tonight Don’t let there be a hole in the world tomorrow” The Eagles There’s only one appropriate topic this week for a site that focuses on healing...
read morePerfectionism
Judging ourselves and finding that we come up short is endemic in our high-powered, fast-paced world. We say things to ourselves that we’d never consider saying to a loved one. “Well, I blew that.” “What a jerk I am.” “I am hopeless.” Harsh self-talk is an insidious and destructive side effect of perfectionism. What if you didn’t have to be perfect? I know. It doesn’t feel like a choice. Compulsions never do. Like a hamster on a wheel, you don’t...
read moreGrief III
I woke up knowing that my new puppy’s name would be Gabriel. My husband was well into the process of finding me an animal that he could train as a Service dog to help me with walking, stability, and balance. We chose an Airedale terrier from a line of Performance Airedales. These were dogs that wanted, above all else, to have a job to do. The 10 week old puppy came home to us during one of New England’s very cold winters. I was literally bowled over by the enthusiasm of his first sight of me. ...
read moreSorrow II
I have felt compelled to write about politically charged events a few times on this Trauma website. Under the headings of Sorrow, Loss, and Tragedy, I have written about the Sandy Hook massacre, the Gabby Giffords shooting, and the Boston Marathon bombings respectively. As we navigate the aftermath of yet another mass shooting in America, I’m using the heading Sorrow II. This groups together two of the events involving the death of children at their school. It sets the stage for what I hope will be encouraging...
read moreGrief II
Last year my life changed forever. I’ve joined that club no one wants to be in – one of my children died. My 36 year old son, Joseph, died of a brain aneurysm. In the first blog on Grief, I noted some skillful ways to help someone who is grieving. The depth of the pain when grieving the loss of a child, including an adult child, requires a degree of compassion and sensitivity that challenges even the most caring among us. Our communication tools can suddenly seem woefully inadequate. I can try to help by relating what people...
read moreDisability
Disability can be visited upon you suddenly and shockingly, as in the case of victims who survive a shooting or bombing, or accident victims of all types. Those who serve in the military continually put themselves at risk for disability and, sadly, with modern weaponry, it is all too common for them to have to face enormous physical changes and challenges. Disability can also creep up on you, in expected and unexpected ways. In my own case, diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at age 32, I could perhaps have expected eventual disability. With...
read moreTransitions
From the moment the decision was made to sell our home and move across the country, to this moment as I sit in my new home to write, there was a span of nearly a year. What was accomplished in that year, essentially creating a whole new life, required considerable effort but no struggle. Struggle is a heavy thing, quite distinct from meeting goals and accomplishing tasks that tire us out. That’s effort. I already knew the difference between the two but to have experienced it “in living color” has been quite miraculous,...
read moreSuicide
There is an ongoing international conversation about Suicide and Depression sparked by the death this week of beloved comedian Robin Willams. Mental Health professionals and those who have suffered from severe depression or been touched by the suicide of a friend or family member welcome this openness about a topic that is often considered taboo. Certainly the phenomenon of airing feelings of grief and bewilderment on social media, which instantly can reach a worldwide audience, is changing the scope of our awareness in the aftermath of this...
read moreExpectations
The Holidays are a good time to take up the topic of Expectations. We set ourselves up for disappointment time after time when it comes to family, friends, colleagues, and lovers, perhaps never more than during this season. How does this work? I’ll share my experience of ongoing liberation from Expectations, using the Holidays to highlight the process. Your celebrations can be as lovely, or more so, if you keep it simple. It’s okay to have a vision of how we want to celebrate the Holidays. Where I tripped myself up in the past is by having...
read moreMistakes
Having the opportunity, which I consider blessed, to work with dying people in the role of Chaplain, has given me insight into the experience of mistakes, or sins if you will. We think in terms, of course, of a hierarchy of mistakes. Overindulging in a dessert is not in the same league as sleeping with your neighbor’s husband. photo credit – Steven Kreuch It’s the latter category of mistake, and much worse, that rises up to haunt people on their deathbed. We do know right from wrong and when we have wronged another we will be...
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